No conclusion (yet)

Lots of talking lately. Important talking, the kind that leaves you thinking for days, puzzling over the unanswered questions on the bus ride home (staying up late to write about them), and finding correlations to and from random other subjects in your life in bizarre and startling ways. The kind of talking that makes one really appreciate people who critically think, and connect. Makes one want that kind of talking always.

But its painful talking too. Its those dang growing pains- the processes of shedding one skin in order to make room for the new. And while I relish it, I feel that.. so much of what I think is creating this lifestyle precipice, this narrow walkway of "decision"- a cutting edge, and a rather unforgiving one.

I think a lot about motivation (s) and/or the lack thereof. I think a lot about how you are affected by what you believe, how you are affected by the community (global and local) you are a part of, and how all of that shapes or causes or IS your motivation to action.

And, in turn, I think about the capacity for a complete lack of response. I know I've been in that place- overwhelmed, or depressed, or caught up in the all-consuming minutia of "me", and maybe I'm biased, but I feel like that is a stage you pass through as you age- your sense of self importance is humbled by experience and you find yourself within the larger framework of a human system- symbiotic and equal to the world around you. And when you pass through that, you find the ability to see how your everyday actions ripple into millions of lives, usually lives you'll never see, and that motivates you to analyze your ripple-making magic and measure the impact of your waves- are they flooding the shore? Can you lessen the damage you cause? Can you at least acknowledge that you're causing damage at all?

But if its age/maturity/growing that gets people to that place, and not some other series of factors, then the next question becomes: when? Because I feel like I'm watching the clock on behalf of some people I love, and I'm not sure how many more minutes I can count down.

And this is nowhere near finished. But I am completely near bed.