Things to be thankful for, redux

Inspired by Starheadboy's post, and also a brush up on my "thank you thank you" post from a year or so ago.

Things to be thankful for:

- I am healthy, I am whole, I am here
(I am open, I am vulnerable, I am free)
(and holy shit, I'm happy)
-The exuberance/enthusiasm/excitement has not dwindled with age- in fact! It only seems to escalate with each advancing year (!yeow!)
-Train tracks to drink whiskey and walk upon, foreverfriends to walk (and, occasionally, sleep) upon them with.
- the last vestiges of the veneer of "cool" being stripped away and shed
- Being able to make good decisions ("immakingagooddecision!!!") for myself, and having them be supported and applauded by the people I care about.
- The people I care about being able to make good decisions.
- The people I care about finding solace, happiness, comfort, the inane, the majestic, the miracles, the magic, forever and always.
-Relationships with family/friends/lovers that evolve and expand, that improve and grow closer, that hum with honest and healthy communication and mutual aide, versus silence, stagnancy, gossip, and self interest. People wanting to be closer! People wanting to be healthy! I am still amazed by this. Its awesometown!
-My family, my family, my family- and their enduring support, stability, and sense of humor.
-The family we've created- the simple reality of having a core of friends that you can actually trust and rely upon, that you can plan a future with, that you can make promises to, and keep them (dare I say it.. the beginnings of a .. gasp! community!!??)
-Filthy, filthy, filthy smut talking, making obscene jokes and gestures, inappropriate dancing in public. Being lewd and crude and disgusting without hurting anyone.
-Ingenuity and imagination- and the flood of projects/ plans I'm working on or plotting out for the future.
-The fact that all the weird/nonsensical/bizarre/absurd/un reality/gibber/jabber joke making and story telling is understood and appreciated by at least some percentage of good people in this world.
-Being able to feel well cared for.

giving thanks, pt 1

How "Saying Thanks" Will Make You Happier

Things to be thankful for:

-dreams about owls, madly constructed teeter totting houses, and swooping birds we dive under the water to chase
-rooms tinted red, settled with dust, hot with ideas
-a scar in the shape of a question mark
-"that teenage feeling"
-monkeys
-safety blooming from uncertainty
-exhilaration, a heart that pulses
-shock waves that ripple from simple art of hands held tightly
-beautiful boys who hand me hummus filled pita sandwiches
-progress to pluto
-stars, galaxies unheard of and unseen, the possibility of flight
-sunlight
-fat, happy, twin baby nieces who love to read and leave me messages saying "hey lady, i wuv you", who create these ties that bind, who breathe meaning into "family"
-made up words, hidden code, sexual innuendo, volumes relayed through touch and glance.
-missoula, montana
-necks, napes, collar bones, the small of ones back, the arch of ones foot, soft spots behind the ear, the inpress on the side of ones temple
-subtext
-the smell of a used bookstore
-standing on a freeway overpass at night
-hot coffee in your hand, in crisp cold air, with no gloves on
-ridiculousness, giddiness, fondness, and all good things that end in ness

for the first time in years...

For the first time in years, I am stuck sending transmissions into a perpetual void, with no echo but my own.

For the first time in years, my own echo isn't enough.

For the first time in years, I am near to tears over the most trivial of things, and pleased about it.

For the first time in years, I am losing my mind, over something and someone more than myself, over ideas and schemes greater than the self, over times and places and moments as yet un-lived, un-thought, never conceived, and perhaps never to take flight.

And for all the drama it causes, for all the embarrassment and stomach aches and restless nights, for all the potential heart strings snapped and 'wishing I could take it backs'.
I am happy for it, if only for it's validation and reassurance that things have not ended, that that pulsating need still beats, that all things once frozen can again be thawed. For the knowledge that not everything ended with you, and that my fancy and fantasy can once again alight, and begin again, and sustain its own arduous undertaking.